1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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