Sry I called you an 8
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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