dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
