I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
