tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
