god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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