Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
