Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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