I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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