Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
