A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
