the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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