I cannot find my penis.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
