There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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