Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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