U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
