you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
