I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
