I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
