masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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