This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
