Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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