he thought i was a dude.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
