how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
