actually, I'm a sock model
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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