I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
