Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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