living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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