Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
