Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
