Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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