there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
