can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
