Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
