If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
