I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
