to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
