It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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