i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
pop tarts are not kleenex
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
