I think im going to throw up on grandma
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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