That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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