I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
