even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
