roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
