Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
