someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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