so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
