So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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