Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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