this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
