Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
there is glitter all over my balls
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
