I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
