my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Green mimosas i think yes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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