haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
