I'm really into asian looking animals
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
