you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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