i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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