I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
