Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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