im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
