No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
zippers are such a cool invention
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
